I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize