But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
