so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
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