i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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