I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Randomize
