'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
