I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Everyone says I win the strip club
Randomize