Kiss
Puke
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
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