I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
worst night to have a conscience
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
