My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
