She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
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