What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
