Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
