He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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