Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
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