either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
