i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Randomize
