Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
