You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
