Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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