I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Who did Billy Mays play for?
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
