My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize
