the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
