He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
