I should be sponsored by Trojan
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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