Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Randomize
