Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
