I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
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