idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
