he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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