Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
