having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
You ruined the universe
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
