Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
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