Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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