I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
