I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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