the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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