Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
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