his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
