I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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