i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Randomize
