I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I could fuck to npr.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
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