I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
