I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
