I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Randomize
