Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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