I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
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