I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
