Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Randomize
