I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
