We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
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