Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
