so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
