She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
