Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
