wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Randomize
