from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
